I’m sad. I’ve tried starting this article in so many different ways. I tried to be philosophical even, talking about change and how hard it can be due to being a creature of habit myself. But at the end of the day, I’m just sad.
Change is hard, and when unexpected change happens, it can feel impossible to cope. My unexpected change is a breakup. He was my first love, my constant, and now that he’s gone, I have trouble managing my day-to-day. What do I do when some days are great and other days all I want to do is cry?
Things ended amicably, and for that, I am grateful. However, sometimes I wish I could hate him, just so moving on could be easier. But I don’t. I love him, and sometimes it feels like I’ll never be able to stop loving him.
My heart hurts, my soul feels crushed, and all in all, I am not coping well. I’m just so sad. So how do we move forward when feelings of self-doubt and loneliness surround us?
I’m not too sure. I know I have to but the ‘how’ is where I am struggling. It’s easy to want to hang onto the past. As I mentioned earlier, we are creatures of habit and comfort, and when we are kicked out of our comfort zone unexpectedly, it’s hard to figure out how to push forward.
I know that this feeling is temporary. With time and space, this all shall pass. One day I’ll wake up with a smile on my face. One day I’ll get through the day without crying. One day I will be happy.
But for now, I’m sad. And that’s okay too. It’s my job to realize these feelings and move past them. Time heals all, but it’s okay to sit in the moment. Moving forward doesn’t mean rushing forward. It means taking the time you need to heal and grow in the ways that satisfy you.
Today I will cry. Today my heart will hurt. But eventually, my light will shine again, and the work I’ve done to move past this will be worth it.
My grandma once told me something and only when I got past the heartache did I understand. She said “your first love is not your last” and it is true.
First and last mean two different things. So every morning I said that to myself to help me. In the beginning it is hard because everything reminds you of that person or that memory but eventually all those memories become distant memories and you can move on. Till then keep going forward and discovering yourself and what makes you happy.
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First loves are hard. They just hit differently. I know with time I will heal and be able to push forward but until then I need to just go through the motions.
I agree with what you’re grandma said. Thank you so much for the advice. It was incredibly helpful.